Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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