***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
