The maid of honor just puked.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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