you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
