If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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