We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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