i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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