Nicole vs. Life
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
