I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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