So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize