And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
