I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
