You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The air was thick with penises
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
