Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
