ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
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