i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
