I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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