He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
and you fell through a lawn chair
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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