u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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