im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
