I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
