Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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