Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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