Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
