After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
