help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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