i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
