i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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