My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Enjoy the penises
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