Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
