dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
