Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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