Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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