Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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