i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
