she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
