singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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