you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
