If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
