dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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