I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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