we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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