You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
