Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
