you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize