This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
