I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
