69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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