i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Randomize
