i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
