The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
