Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
