i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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