today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
