I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think I died a long time ago.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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