I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
