Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
