The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
