Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
