defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
