Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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