She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
