Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
