you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
