you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
