Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize