I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize