I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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