fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
