Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
