the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
