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Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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