I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
