I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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