Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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