I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
