i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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