I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
