last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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