Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
