hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize