I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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