He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
