Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you win again, gameday.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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