Betty ford says i'm here all night
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
