I puked a lego.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
