First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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