i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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