I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
