I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
