my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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