so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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