Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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