i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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