I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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