tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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