she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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