she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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