i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
