I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
she told me i tasted like america
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
