I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
