my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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